Reasons For Coughing Blood At 2AM

I’d like to remind everyone that I’m insane and can’t help things. Also that the majority of the damage done to myself is because of myself, so you have to wonder what’s going on, with everything you see leaning towards external forces.

Oh, and I should be let this long without water -glances at watch- That was interesting.

Car not stolen. Yay.

Watched GI Joe the other night and then passed out during Supernatural because I’ve been up until four in the morning the last while studying for my music history exam. Yeaaaah. Good stuff.

And I just came back from laser tag, watched some Chronicles of Riddick. Good stuff. Very awesome. Much love. Can’t be much more descriptive.

Soon to be replaced with “stuff from the rest of the day”…

I slept in, despite kinda getting up to alarms and all. I was going to have a blood test today, maybe an X-ray, and then call my school and maybe even pick up a precision soldering iron for fixing my tablet, but I fucking slept in.

And then I remembered just why I always do this. Which is depressing and kind of horrible, but whenever I say it aloud, it just sounds like a little phrase thing. It’s also why I stay up late, alongside the fact that no one else is awake and I can enjoy the silence and the darkness.

“I don’t want to wake up to find out that it’s tomorrow.”

Fuck, I can’t fucking wake up in the mornings. I’m supposed to do blood tests and an X-ray, I’m supposed to figure out what’s going on with school, and make up resumes to hand out, and go to places before they close. But no, no, I get to wake up a couple hours before work, giving me enough time to eat, shower, iron, get dressed, get distracted, get frustrated, get pissed that I don’t have the time to practice piano or study History despite the exam, because I have to worry about not waking up the next day.

And then I come home from work and just want to forget that the day exists, but I know that time just keeps moving, and tomorrow’s going to come. And I’ll wake up to find out I’m still alive and everything still exists, and I just fucking don’t want to wake up to find out that it’s tomorrow.